When Pigs Sing

March 30, 2006 

Appearing as a guest on this past Sunday’s edition of Meet the Press, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice answered a question about dealing with Iran’s nuclear ambitions by stressing that, “We really do have a chance to solve this diplomatically”.  With all due respect to the Secretary and her diplomatic demeanor, “Yeah...when you can teach a pig to sing!” 

Almost simultaneously with Secretary Rice’s diplomatic entreaties, the lips attached to the swarthy face of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad pledged, during a speech in south-western Iran, that “All these threats and intimidations by the West against Iran's nuclear program will not hinder the final victory to be that of the Iranian nation”. 

In fact, Ahmadinejad promised that Iran “will even demand compensation (from the West) for the loss of the last two and a half years (when Iran had suspended its nuclear program)”.  Can you really imagine letting this loony get his dirty finger on a nuclear trigger? 

The only thing loonier than Ahmadinejad would be the US government if it ever allows Iran to go nuclear. 

According to the BBC, which is no ally of the US, the Iranian nuclear timeline goes something like this: 

  1. August 2002: Iranian exiles say that Tehran has built a vast uranium enrichment plant at Natanz and a heavy water plant at Arak without informing the United Nations.

  1. December 2002: The existence of sites at Natanz and Arak is confirmed by satellite photographs shown on US television. Iran agrees to inspections by the International Atomic Energy Authority (IAEA).

  1. February 2003: IAEA chief Mohammed ElBaradei travels to Iran with a team of inspectors to begin probing Tehran's nuclear plans.

  1. June 2003: Mr ElBaradei accuses Iran of not revealing the extent of its nuclear work, and urges leaders to sign up for more intrusive inspections.

  1. August 2003: Traces of highly enriched weapons-grade uranium found at Natanz.

  1. September 2003: More enriched uranium discovered, prompting urgent calls for Iran to sign a voluntary protocol formalizing a tougher inspection regime.

  1. October 2003: After meeting French, German and UK foreign ministers, Tehran agrees to stop producing enriched uranium and formally decides to sign the Additional Protocol. No evidence is produced to confirm the end of enrichment.

  1. February 2004: Abdul Qadeer Khan, the godfather of Pakistan's nuclear bomb, is reported to have sold Iran nuclear weapons technology.

  1. February 2004: IAEA report says Iran experimented with polonium-210, which can be used to trigger the chain reaction in a nuclear bomb. Iran did not explain the experiments. Iran again agrees to suspend enrichment, but again does not.

  1. November 2004: Iran agrees to halt all enrichment activities.

  1. April 2005: Iran announces plans to resume uranium conversion at Isfahan.

  1. May 2005: EU states warn that any resumption of conversion would end negotiations linked to trade and economic issues. Iran agrees to wait for detailed proposals from the Europeans at the end of July.

  1. August 2005: Hardliner Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is installed as Iranian president, as Tehran pledges an "irreversible" resumption of enrichment. Iran resumes sensitive fuel cycle work at its uranium conversion facility near the city of Isfahan.

  1. September 2005: A study by the International Institute for Strategic Studies concludes that Iran is still several years away from acquiring a nuclear weapons capability.

And then, on March 26, 2006, the LA Times reported that, “...Iran could manufacture enough highly enriched uranium to build a bomb within three years.”  Of course, in an effort to hasten their orgy with 72 virgins, Iranian scientists have “forgone usual testing periods for individual centrifuges and small series of linked centrifuges, instead apparently trying to put together as many as possible, as quickly as possible.”   

Just this past Saturday, “Ahmadinejad said...that Iran would fully avail itself of peaceful nuclear technology within the current Persian year which started simultaneously with spring on March 20.”  One can only hope that “peaceful nuclear technology” is not synonymous with the “religion of peace”...although history has taught us better. 

Iran’s intentions are so transparent that liberals would even credit President Bush with being able to figure them out...negotiate and continue development...stall and continue development...lie and continue development...and keep giving Russia and China economic incentives to block any UN Security Council action.  Oh yeah, one more intention...go nuclear and bring about Armageddon. 

As a word of encouragement to the Iranians, General Peter Pace, the Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, told the Muslim world that “Iran is a long way from needing any kind of military solution.”  Hopefully Pace is NOT a long way from retirement.  No wonder the Arab street is convinced that America is a nation of pantywaists. 

Take note of how that little Iraqi weasel, Muqtada al-Sadr, keeps saving his butt at the largesse of the US only to keep fomenting civil war by barbaric means and blame US troops for his own barbarism or, as Reuters reports “U.S. commanders in Iraq on Monday accused powerful Shi'ite groups of moving the corpses of gunmen killed in battle to encourage accusations that U.S.-led troops massacred unarmed worshippers in a mosque.” 

The Eighth Wonder of the World is the stratospheric height to which the perfidy of Muslims reaches.  Our “peace-loving” brethren are pathological liars and Ahmadinejad is no different than al-Sadr.  Nor is he any better smelling! 

America would be better off as part of a coalition of civilized nations demanding an end and dismemberment of the Iranian nuclear program, BUT.... 

If the United Nations, and especially the member nations of the Security Council, play games and drag their feet à la Iraq and the oil for food program, then the US (and any others interested in preserving civilization) has a duty to act decisively.   

Of course you could be more afraid of conflict with Iran than a nuclear Iran...but wouldn’t that be a joke. 

Iran can’t be negotiated with for the same reason that you can’t teach a pig to sing.  It’s a waste of time and it angers the pig. 

Hopefully, Ahmadinejad was prophetic when he promised that “Our local experts will eventually put nuclear technology to the disposal of the Iranian people”.  The sooner that pig stops singing and becomes bacon the better the world will be.


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