Have You Been To the Post Office Lately?

March 9, 2006 

The only certain path to victory for the US in the War On Terrorism is to immediately: (1) admit defeat; (2) resurrect the Neutron Bomb and drop them throughout the Middle East; (3) wait a few weeks for the residual radiation to subside; (4) take control of the oil fields; and (5) declare victory by having first admitted defeat.  Oh yeah...just one more thing.  Prior to the bombing, there should be a “Peace Conference” planned at ground zero that will be attended by all members of Amnesty International, the ACLU, all liberal members of Congress and the Postmaster General. 

Now that I have given away the end of this article, let’s start at the beginning.  

Normally, I will do anything to avoid using the US Postal Service, but I had to return a product and the manufacturer only accepted returns by USPS.  

I’m serious about my preference for licking the inside of a McDonald's Frialator rather than having anything to do with the USPS.  The Postal Service is a dinosaur.  It’s a business that doesn’t know it’s in business.  It is populated by managers who: neither wish to think nor to work and encourage otherwise decent employees to do the same...neither think nor work.  It is a fun place to view human disorders and perpetual sloth. 

This is what happens when a business is born as a government bureaucracy with no competition.  Economic Darwinism is doing to the USPS what evolution did to the Dodo bird.  While the US taxpayer keeps the USPS on life support, the USPS continues to wallow in its Paleozoic ancestry.   

So, it wasn’t any great surprise that, when I entered a new “state-of-the-art” postal facility, I was greeted by a line of over 25 people and only two desk clerks at their stations.  Of the two clerks, only .025 of them were actually doing anything. 

Not wanting to spend my entire afternoon waiting in line at the PO while watching postal employees try their best to hide from their customers, I turned and exited the building...and that is when the path to victory for the War On Terrorism laid itself out in my mind.  It was serendipitous.   

Let’s face it...an autistic five-year-old with food allergies, asthma and a pocket full of Ritalin could run the USPS better than it is currently operated.  There are customers with product and service needs which the USPS supposedly exists to satisfy.  By satisfying these customer needs, the USPS theoretically derives revenues which in turn pay the salaries, benefits and pensions of its employees.  That is the hypothesis.   

The real goal of the USPS, like its sister ship Amtrak, is to remain on taxpayer life support in order to fulfill its only mission...the payment of salaries, benefits and pensions.  The “goods and services” stuff is just lip service to facilitate picking the taxpayer’s pocket.  And, the “customer” concept is just an annoyance to the sloths that collect those salaries, benefits and pensions. 

But don’t worry.  The USPS will self-destruct and leave the taxpayer holding the bill.  The onslaught of private-sector delivery services, the internet and digital communication networks will shove the USPS into its proper historical place...a display in a museum.  In the not too distant future the only memory of the USPS will be that Newman fellow from Seinfeld reruns. 

Although the USPS was “spun-off” from the government in 1971 and was expected to become self-sufficient, it is still one of the most bloated and wasteful bureaucracies in the US pork arsenal.  The price for the bad treatment, and even worse service, the taxpayer receives at the hands of the USPS will eventually top a half $Trillion when you add tax subsidies and under-funded pensions. 

More than thirty years after declaring its independence from the US government, the USPS is still costing taxpayers hundreds of $Millions annually.   

Why are we to expect a different result in the War On Terrorism.  Instead of fighting a war, the US is institutionalizing and bureaucratizing terrorism.  Instead of eradicating terrorism, the goal seems to be to expand and indefinitely keep anti-terrorism efforts on life support. 

Long lines at airports, demands to inspect every seaport container, diamond level first responder funding, intrusion on the civil liberties of legitimate citizens, expanding federal deficits, municipal police in GI Joe SWAT gear and endless pandering to Muslim rights will slowly bleed this country to death.  It is a path to Bedlam, not to victory. 

Before you assume that we can win the WOT, as presently being fought, just ask yourself one question, “Have You Been To the Post Office Lately?” 

Since it is seemingly impossible for a single government bureaucracy (the PO) to be successful, how can you expect the multiple WOT bureaucracies to do any better?   

Ergo...my conclusion that the only path to victory is the Neutron Bomb. 

The only federal entity worth its salt is our military.  And this excludes those butt-covering bureaucrats at the Pentagon who seem more obsessed with Muslim sensitivities than victory.  And you can forget the politicians on both sides of the aisle.  Listening to them is the same as throwing dollars into the bottomless pit of the USPS...only they keep throwing American lives into the stagnation also known as the WOT. 

The history of American warfare is a history of offensive victories and defensive defeats.  The creation of the Korean DMZ in 1953 was the egg from which Kim Jong-il’s nuclear ambitions were hatched.  Jimmy Carter’s pussyfooting around in Iran (1979) opened the door for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s nuclear reality.  And Bush 41’s hesitancy at the gates of Baghdad created the scenario for Bush 43’s occupation of the same.  Why would you only contain cancer if you already had the means to eradicate it?  

Immediately post 9-11, America had a brief window of opportunity to clean up these messy Islamic terrorists and despots.  That opportunity was total war.  It was a wasted opportunity.   

Had this war commenced, and continued to be prosecuted, with a vengeance, I dare say it would have been over before the ACLU, or even Lincoln Chaffee, could have pasted together a press release.  By fighting in knickers, Washington has created a situation where people are more afraid of swarthy insurgent ragheads than the military might of the US.  How do you spell Paper Tiger? 

If Iraq had tasted real war, who would have complained?  Iran or Syria?  In the words of Bernhard Goetz "You don't look too bad, here's another."   

If Saddam and his henchmen had been swiftly dispatched to Allah, what would be the hopes of the insurgency?   

A leadership base was allowed to survive in a viable infrastructure and then the parasites disguised as Ramsey Clark, the ACLU and Amnesty International moved in.  It’s all spelled out in the Al Qaeda Manual, “...brothers must insist on proving that torture was inflicted on them by State Security...Complain [to the court] of mistreatment while in prison...Make arrangements for the brother’s defense with the attorney, whether he was retained by the brother’s family or court-appointed... The member should have plenty of patience for enduring afflictions...He should be patient in performing the work, even if it lasts a long time.” 

Today we have: Saddam gaming the legal system; insurgents bringing Iraq to the verge of civil war and the 20th Hijacker (Mohammad al-Qahtani) sitting in Guantanamo claiming through a lawyer retained by his family in Saudi Arabia that US torture made him lie.  America has been sucked into a waiting game which it will lose...a war of attrition.  "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!" 

The WOT has morphed into a war of attrition being conducted by the rules of the Al Qaeda Manual.  The US can’t win because: our cost basis is exponentially higher than that of the insurgents; we are burdened by disproportionate international expectations of human decency and our tolerance for loss is exponentially lower.  Like the USPS, we will slowly bleed to death at the sufferance of the US taxpayer, and the sacrifice of the US soldier. 

If the US wants to play by the rules of weenie lawyers, MSM sensitivities, liberal fantasy and the Al Qaeda Manual...let’s surrender now. 


Within weeks of experiencing the wonder of the Neutron Bomb; Iraq, Iran, Syria, North Korea (what the heck) and all peace-loving Muslims and despots will understand that Americans are not pussy cats.  The WOT will be over, American military personnel will cease to be maimed and murdered, the ACLU can re-devote its full time efforts to protecting pedophiles, the cost of gasoline will decrease and Kim Jong-il will quit playing with bombs and find a new mistress.  Let there be peace on Earth. 

Hint:  A credible mention of this threat would achieve the same results.  Well, maybe we have to immediately neutron enrich Syrian President Bashar al-Asad’s palace just to prove that we mean business.  I’m willing to bet that Neutron Bombs are more effective than the “prayer beads, copies of the Quran, culturally appropriate meals, time to worship and even daily calls to prayer” presently enjoyed by the scum in residence at Guantanamo.


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