Jive Talkin’ With A Pocket Full Of Pelosis

September 15, 2005 

Just when you are convinced that Nancy Pelosi is suffering from traumatic lesions of the frontal lobes...she becomes even more convincing.  As a matter of fact, her latest Tourette's-based staccatos are so persuasive that, beginning with herself, she makes a good case for firing 50% of the U.S. government. 

Immediately following hurricane Katrina, Pelosi eloquently called for FEMA director Michael Brown’s dismissal, “...if somebody is incompetent, has no credentials for the job that he ...brings nothing to the table of the level of competence and accountability, he (perhaps SHE) should not continue in that job unless we want a continuation of the shortcomings.”     

As a sensitive outreach to unqualified incompetents nationwide, Brown accommodated Pelosi and resigned.  Or, as Reuters reported it, “His fate was sealed after reports emerged that he had padded his resume, lacked real emergency relief experience and owed his job to political cronyism.”  Now...we are waiting for the other shoes to drop (Hint – Pelosi and Senator Harry Reid are on the short-list). 

And speaking of owing your “job to political cronyism”, Pelosi touts her credentials for office as having: (1) a father who “served as Mayor of Baltimore for 12 years, after representing the city for five terms in Congress”; (2) a brother who “also served as Mayor of Baltimore”; (3) a brother-in-law in San Francisco who “served on the city's Board of Supervisors”; (4) managing to graduate from college; (5) having 5 children and 5 grandchildren and (6) being “a supporter of the Chinese democracy movement”.  I guess that’s enough cronyism to qualify her for being the Democratic Leader of the House of Representatives. 

As long as we are on the subject of job qualifications, let’s take a look at Florida Democratic Representative Alcee Hastings’ résumé.  Hastings, who is a member of the powerful House Rules Committee, knows something about rules and how to break them.  Prior to his Congressional election, Hastings was a Jimmy Carter appointed Federal judge.  

In the Carter tradition of competence, Hastings was charged with seventeen articles of impeachment.  In a liberal interpretation of innocence, Hastings was convicted by the Senate of only seven charges, including soliciting a bribe from defendants with a case before him.  Hastings uses his taxpayer funded website to remind us that, “Known to many as "Judge," Congressman Hastings has distinguished himself as an attorney, civil rights activist, judge, and now Member of Congress.  Talk about stuffing your pocket full of Pelosis. 

While we are at it, let’s also stuff our socks full of stolen classified documents.  Former Clinton National Security Advisor, Sandy Berger, was recently sentenced for stealing highly classified documents from the National Archives and intentionally destroying them.  Berger’s qualifications for becoming a shoplifter include: (1) partying with Bill Clinton when they both worked on the McGovern campaign; (2) graduating from both college and law school and (3) a gig in the Carter administration as U.S. Department of State Deputy Director of the Policy Planning Staff.   

With an acumen for intelligence, Berger helped Carter disgrace the U.S. at the mercy of disorganized Iranian college students and skillfully crash helicopters into the sands of the Great Salt Desert of eastern Iran.  Unfortunately, it took an incompetent B-rated movie actor (according to the competent liberals) like Ronald Reagan a few minutes in office to free the American hostages.  By the end of his two-term Presidency, Reagan skillfully used his incompetence to defeat the Soviet Union and end the 40 year-old Cold War. 

Taking incompetence to the outer reaches of human imagination presents us the example of Democratic Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco.  Padding her résumé with six children and seven grandchildren apparently did not give Blanco competence when she needed it.  Her need to waste 24 hours thinking about the President’s offer of federal aid for storm-savaged Louisiana “brings nothing to the table of the level of competence and accountability”. 

Prior to entering politics, Blanco was a public school teacher.  No doubt her response to the failings of the public educational system mirrored her response to her failings as a governor.  “I’ve done everything, I’m doing everything, nothing is working, don’t ask me questions because my head is cloudy, It’s not my fault, I need more from everybody except myself.” 

Pelosi’s latest desperate attempt to smear the President is: (1) laughable and (2) an insult to the American tradition.  By Pelosi’s criteria, Alvin York, America’s greatest World War I hero, would not be competent for latrine duty.   

York, as a semi-skilled laborer with a total of nine months of education, was a hopeful conscientious objector when drafted at age thirty.  On October 8, 1918, in the Argonne forest, York was ordered to take his squad on a surprise attack against an emplacement of German machine guns.  As York described the action, “There were over 30 of them in continuous action and all I could do was touch the Germans off as fast as I could. I was sharpshooting. I don't think I missed a shot. It was no time to miss.”  York was awarded The Medal of Honor, as well as the French Croix de Guerre, the Italian Croce di Guerra, and the American Distinguished Service Cross. 

But, having opened the debate, Pelosi should be held accountable to her own standards.  As a politician owing her career to cronyism and lacking any leadership credentials, she “should not continue in that job unless we want a continuation of the shortcomings.”  It is laughable that she was a member of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence for 10 years.  What in her résumé qualifies her as having intelligence competence? 

It’s odd finding myself in agreement with Pelosi, but I’m actually warming-up to the idea.  By any stretch of the imagination, at least half of the Congress is not qualified to do anything except solicit campaign contributions (Pelosi was fined by the FEC for illegally using money in her control to donate to fellow Democrats while she was running for Minority Leader -- in essence, buying their votes and her position).  If Pelosi was an honest person, she would resign immediately and take hundreds of similar incompetents with her.


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