Cold Turkey or Old Hen?

November 25, 2004

With Thanksgiving Day upon us, Maureen Dowd’s columns have me wondering: (1) is she convulsing blue from the red mandate or (2) is she just an old hen whose time has come...and gone?

In her richly deserved role as the elite media’s demagogue, Dowd (to paraphrase from H.L. Mencken) is “one who preaches doctrines she knows to be untrue to liberals she knows to be idiots.” And, as we all know...Nature abhors a moron.

In her November 21^st editorial, Dowd credits the Bush-Cheney victory to “making the case that they could protect America from ...uxorious gays better than the Brahmin they painted as a sissy.” In fact, with eleven out of eleven states voting against gay marriage, the Bush-Cheney team was protecting gays from becoming “uxorious” gays. And...the Brahmin painted himself as a “sissy” with his $8,000 custom Serotta Ottrott bicycle and color coordinated cycling outfits.

By asserting that, “In politics...political correctness is out and the class of new senators looks like a throwback,” Dowd seems confused. Other than with a bunch of game-playing elite liberals and brainwashed NEA rank-and-file, PC was never in. It was, is and always will be a silly dogma that a bunch of blue-faced “social reengineers” tried to shove down the throats of normal people. In part, it was the semi-asphyxiation resulting from the PC revolution that turned most of America red.

And her gobbling about the new senate being a “throwback” is...just a bunch of gobble. A “throwback” to what? Is Dowd reminiscing about the good old days when senior Democratic Senator Robert Byrd wore his KKK garb? I guess she thinks that burning flags is not nearly as satisfying as burning blacks.

Quite frankly speaking, I’m sick of liberal clairvoyance. Her contrast of Volvo-driving, yoga-practicing Democrats to gun-owning Bush supporters is gratuitous. My brother, my best friends and I all drive Volvos, practice yoga and own guns. We are all registered Democrats and...all of us voted Republican. As the Northern Panhandle of Florida proved, don’t judge a vote by its registration. Methinks there are more than a few Zell Millers hiding in the woodpile.

In a puff of mental flatulence, Dowd sequentially accuses the President of being an “overbearing” husband “swaddled” by “three strong women”. Overbearing husbands do not surround themselves with “strong” women and “strong” women don’t “swaddle” their men, they support them. It’s called teamwork...something the egocentric left can’t imagine. Perhaps Maureen was momentarily possessed by an image of Catherine Zeta-Jones swaddling an overbearing Michael Douglas?

And speaking of mental flatulence...how does Dowd create fiction from fact? To accuse the Bush-Chaney team of “casting John Kerry as the feminized guy who couldn't get his sports references straight, the sort who would sashay about in Yves St. Laurent pajamas, dithering, whither-ing, and fetching bottled water for Teresa,” rewrites the truth. John Kerry was his own casting director. He is the feminized guy who didn’t get his sports references straight and who sashayed about in YSL unmentionables while dithering, whither-ing and fetching bottled water for Teresa. My God...Kerry was a caricature from the antimatter of a Michael Moore movie.

During another moment of delirium tremens, Dowd lambastes the Republicans for “shielding Tom DeLay with a rule that someone facing a felony charge can still be a leader.” First of all, DeLay is not even under indictment. The truth is that the Republicans amended an 11 year old Republican leadership rule to establish a 30-day review period, during which time the charges are reviewed to determine if they are valid or politically based. And politically based they are!

Travis County, Texas District Attorney Ronnie Earle, a Democrat, has a reputation and history of politically motivated witch-hunts. This time around, Earle is trying to burn DeLay at the cross. It should be noted that the Democrats have no rules whatsoever and a Democratic leader could be indicted and found guilty and still hold their post. Or for that matter, a Democratic President could be impeached, tamper with witnesses, obstruct justice, abuse cigars and still remain the Democratic Party’s poster boy.

Growing old from whining, Dowd surrenders that “Watching Bush supporters shred a war hero into a war criminal was tiring.” Well, that “war hero”, John Kerry is now rumored to be considering a lawsuit against the leader of the group Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, John O'Neill, whose book "Unfit for Command" corrected some of Kerry’s wartime fiction.

Sometimes it’s just easier to let the facts speak for themselves. When asked about the possibility of a Kerry lawsuit during the campaign, O’Neill responded very clearly:

"I invite him to sue me for libel."
"If he was actually in Cambodia on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, he should sue me. If, in fact, those other five boats, on March the 13, [1969], if they all fled like he did, instead of staying like he knows they did, he should sue me."
"If he didn't wound himself with a grenade, causing sort of a rice-fanny wound, and then reported it to the Navy as a water mine - if he didn't do that on March 13, he should sue me."

Let’s carve this birdy up. Maureen Dowd is a mixture of cold turkey and old hen. The election results were a bucket of cold reality in her face. It’s as though an intervention group found all the little “nippers” and dark secrets an alcoholic spends a lifetime hiding. There it is, the collective truth, on display for all to see. And the results aren’t pretty.

Severe symptoms include (1) A state of confusion and hallucinations known as delirium tremens, (2) Agitation, (3) Convulsions and (4) "Black outs" -- when the person forgets what happened during the episode (a.k.a., Clinton years). The Cold Turkey of another four years is a reality too tough to handle in liberal fantasyland.

Hey Maureen...have you ever considered retirement? I hear there’s a nice unit available at Del Boca Vista. It’s right between the Seinfelds’ and Costanzas’. That should help you adjust to the new real.

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